2 months!

Already, my sweet boy is 2 months old! He hasn't had his 2 month well check  yet but he did go to the doctor yesterday for his first ever cold. Poor guy has a pretty stuffed nose, good thing mama is home to take good care of him. I go back to work next Wednesday and I literally feel like I am going to die. I am merely going back for my own entertainment just 3 days a week but it makes me sad deep down I know it is the best decision for my family I just need to keep reminding myself of that!

Dear Krew,
You are 2 months old now and growing right before our eyes. Every morning when I get you out of your crib I feel so blessed to be your mama. The first time we ever saw you smile brought tears to our eyes, you truly are our greatest blessing! What a fun funny baby you are, very particular about what you do and don't like just like mom. You have dads hairline, his chin, and his ears. We think you may have mamas blue eyes and you have my nose for sure! Grandma and Grandpa are so smitten by you and I think you will be able to get everything past your Aunt Danielle! Your cousins love you and we are all excited for the good times we have ahead! Until next month baby boy remember mama loves you!

I saw God today.

Where did I leave off? Oh, right clenching my fists at 3:30 AM thinking I was experiencing a VERY painful braxton, I somehow drifted off back to sleep until husband woke me up at 6:30. He was off hunting and I was on my own for the day, I was sent home the night before so I figured I was okay to send him off up the mountain. I laid in bed clinging onto my pug Gus thinking, praying, and begging him to rid of some of my pain. I knew he would have if he could. I was texting my best friend Lexie all morning debating on going into work or not, I figured it would take my mind off the pain. I got out of bed and through my hair in a bun, not knowing today was THE day. I am so mad at myself all week I had been curling my hair in hopes of having fabulous hair for labor but nope not today. I put some sweats and a hoodie on drove into work. On my 20 minute freeway drive I had about 2 contractions I don't know how I didn't drive my car off the side. I hobbled into my office which I share with my best friend Lexie and sat down around 9:00 am experiencing another contraction. I figured at that point I should maybe time them since the 2 in the car were about 10 minutes apart. There I sat for 2 hours not doing any work, sulking in pain and complaining to my poor co-worker/bff. Around 10:30 I got a call from Ryan letting me know that he was headed up another mountain and he didn't think that he would have service so he was letting me know he would be home around 3:00 that afternoon, of course I said okay. No more then 5 minutes later I had another contraction hit, I was in tears finally after some convincing from Lexie I called Ryan and told him it wasn't a good idea for him to go up that mountain and he needed to head home. I stayed at work a little longer and finally gave up I couldn't fight the pain I was feeling I hopped in my car and called my nurse. I remember the nurse telling me to head in that I sounded like I was in a lot of pain, which I was. I was just too scared to get sent home again for the 4th time embarrassing I tell you. I called my mom and just broke down if I wasn't in labor then there was something seriously wrong because the pain was almost unbearable, she said "I think I get to meet my Grandson today". I will never forget that. I was rushed with excitement! I finally arrived home around 11:00 where husband happily met me. I had a follow up appointment that day at 2:45 so we figured we would time my contractions until than. While staying in touch with my nurse who was encouraging me to just head in I was determined to not be sent home again, there I lie on the couch sobbing praying for someone to relieve the pain. It was officially the worst pain I had ever felt in my entire life!
(Our last picture as a family of 2 just us.)

By this point my contractions were about 6-7 minutes apart, I had a good one hit at 1:45 and finally told Ryan that I had to go in, I could not stand the pain any longer I had been dealing with it since 3:30 that morning! I was exhausted, I remember hitting every red light on the way hoping I had everything I needed. I stood at L&D check in crying I was in major pain and the lady knew it. Finally I was hooked up to monitors and I remember my heaven sent angel Jenna telling me that I was dilated to a 3 and they were going to keep me. I was progressing fast, I called my mom and let her know that she was right and we were going to have a new handsome family member! Husband and I were so ecstatic. I remember my Facebook status letting everyone know "Krew is just as spontaneous as his mama, and he is on his way"! Ryan of course was starving and since I was only dilated to a 6 he decided he would run down to the cafeteria, my mom dad and sister were in the room keeping me company. By the time he returned I was at a 10, he ate as fast as I have ever seen him eat, the catheter had been blocking the rest of my cervix from thinning and Krew was sunny side up there we waiting another hour for me to finish thinning and Krew to turn! I remember Dr. Brown saying "He has a ton of hair!" I was thinking just like his mama I was so ready to meet him, I remember the presence I felt from my Grandmother who passed in 2006, I needed her there more then I had ever needed her before. There is not doubt in my mind that she was there with me, encouraging me and keeping Krew and I safe I can't thank God enough for that moment in time when I had her here with me again they both knew I needed her and he delivered. I remember looking otuside and it was snowing, it was a beautiful sight and I hate snow! (later, I was told the storm put a TON of women in labor and most born were boys!)  After 1 hour of pushing I was exhausted the Dr told me I had about 2 more pushes I asked for it to be 1 big push!!

At 8:27 the most precious, beautiful, inspiring soul met eyes with me. In that moment I am forever changed. Meeting  his eyes for the first time was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced better than anything I ever will experience! I cry thinking about that moment in time, when the clock stopped ticking when time stood completely still. I finally had my baby boy he was in safe in my arms. After being examined for his lungs since he was early I was able to hold him and my mom, sister, and best friend walked in. I was over joyed and so ready to share him with the world. I was tired, so tired. I put my cheetah on and put a happy face on! I won't feel you with the nonsense of the hospital, just know he is the best thing that has happened to me. I love this boy and I am so proud to be his mama. He #1 fan, his best friend, his confidant, and his first love. ::swoon::


Birth Story Part I

This is by far the best story of my life. Ever. Better then any fairytale or dream. I am going to start this from Thursday October 18th. I had my weekly doctors appointment as per usual but this time I had an ultrasound my OB wanted to check my fluids, well they were low. Long story short I needed to have another ultrasound and a non stress test. I sat in the chair for an hour listening to my sweet babies heartbeat and feeling each contraction pretty hard. Nothing to be admitted for but they were strong. I passed the tests and was sent home a happy  sore pissed off camper!

The weekend was great, I hung out with friends hubby and I were able to go out on a date:
instagram caption: Last night out as 2 maybe?
I didn't believe it but it was!
Here is my last picture I took Sunday night so sore and so swollen I had only cleaned my house 70 times that day.
36 weeks 4 days

Fast forward to Monday October 22nd. I woke up around 7 AM to let my puppies out and GUSH. I ran to the toilet, sat down and peed. Had my water just broke? Am I leaking amniotic fluid? Is my baby going to dry up? Where are my contractions? Am I going to die? Should I go to the hospital? I laid in my bed going back and forth on going into L&D or not, finally I figured I better high tail my booty in just to keep my baby safe and keep my peace of mind. Husband was hunting so my best friend met me there to sit with me so I wasn't scared out of my mind. We sat, and sat, and sat. They checked my amniotic fluid and informed me that if my fluid was below a 5 I would be induced. I was nervous I wasn't full term and had no idea to expect. Another doctor came in to recheck my levels, she cleared me for the low fluid but wanted to monitor me for a bit longer. After a few hours of laying helpless on the hospital bed with my ass out of the gown I was informed I had probably just peed my pants, my fluid was low though. By this time hubby was off the mountain and had met me at the hospital he sat there with me we; held hands, and talked, and dreamed about what our little man was going to look like. I was getting excited, they then told me I was fine to go home and wait until my due date and to stay on bedrest unless I had any further complications. I cried, I had never ever cried so hard in my whole entire life. I was so swollen, so tired, and so uncomfortable! My husband just held me and let me cry, I was so done and so ready to meet my baby. The light at the end of the tunnel had faded and I knew I was going to be pregnant forever and my body was going to explode. We drove home and that was the worst darkest saddest drive home of my life I had lost all hope of meeting my baby soon. Somehow I managed to fall asleep, actually I cried myself to sleep. Who am I kidding? The next Tuesday morning I woke up fists clenched in the fetal position not knowing I was about to experience the most beautiful experience of my life. I saw God that day.