Dig Deep

I feel like my posts sometimes can be real depressing. I don't mean them to be that way, I am just trying to be upfront and honest with the struggles in my day to day life. I am not perfect, nor do I think I am. I hate the persona that goes around the social media world of people thinking acting like their life is perfect. It's not. It's far from. So today I am going to dig deep and count my so many blessings instead of focusing on my trials.

Yesterday I dropped my baby off with his new nanny. He loves to play with the kids there, me leaving isn't easy. I don't do the typical drop him off and sneak out the back door like a ninja thing, I set him down, tell him I have to go to work, and me, dad, or Grandma will be there to pick him up. And I leave. Sometimes he cries, sometimes he is too distracted. Those days when he cries, pulls on my heart strings. It is so hard for me not to run back in and save him. I know what I am going is the right thing, it just takes a few minutes for me to dig deep and realize this.

Last night as I was rocking my baby to sleep, I had an epiphany. My baby will be 1 in less than 1 month from now. I am going to try and rock that lil' sucker to sleep as much as I can. As I rocked him I talked softly to him. I told him how much I loved him, how spoiled I felt that God chose me to mother him teach him, and be by his side. I also promised him I would always be by his side. I will always be his best friend. He slowly started drifting. As I told him he was my greatest blessing he looked up at me and gave me a little smirk. Y'all God works in mysterious ways. I needed that, it's almost as though the smirk meant he knew. He knew and understood what I was saying and he felt so comfortable with me in knowing I will always keep my promises.

Despite, my crazy work schedule, being my wife, best friend, sister, event planner, and all the other things that come along with working 40 plus hours in the office and than going home and putting in 40 plus more I am so fucking blessed.

I need to step back and breath more. Take it all in. It is hard for me to wrap my head around how lucky I am. I have the most supporting husband, parents, sister, and friends a girl could ever ask for. And that folks at the end of the day is all that matters.

So again,
I am digging deep this next month before my baby turns 1 and realizing how blessed I truly am.


11 months!!

Height & Weight: I am guessing he has past the 20 pd mark. I am unsure on height.

Health: He just recovered from a sinus infection thanks to antibiotics, which he hated. Over the weekend he also had his 1st major goose egg/shiner. R was walking through a door way with Krew on his shoulders and missed gaged the amount of room Krew would have and poor guy bonked his head and eye. I thought it was going to be worse than it really was. He cried for .10 seconds and the next morning it was a little red. Thank god. It could have been so much worse. He is also cutting his 1st top tooth!

Sleep: This kid is a champ at night he goes down between 8:30-9:30 and sleeps until 6:30 or so. On the weekends he will snuggle back in bed with us until 8 or 9. He religiously takes his 1 hour morning nap but sometimes fights his afternoon ones. We need to be really careful about them. If he doesn't get them he is a beast!

Diet: I cannot even believe I am about to type this right now, Krew only has 1 7 oz bottle of formula in the mornings and it's only because we have a $36 can of formula we don't want to waste. He is drinking whole milk like a champ. Usually 2 bottles a day 1 in the afternoon and 1 before bed. I am really trying to limit his milk. I know he needs a certain amount every day I am just so against kids with milk in their sippy cup and their disposal all day. He also snacks like crazy. He will eat anything.

Clothes: He is in 9-12 month clothes. We just bought him some outfits for his birthday that should last him through this winter! Brr...

Baby Gear Love: He LOVES to stand up on the couches, he LOVES walks in his stroller, and balls. He is so curious lately. Anything he can get into he does! Such a boy!

Crying: He is starting to have separation anxiety. He cries whenever I leave the room. He is also more hesitate with people he doesn't see a lot or really know.

Likes: This kid loves his Grandma and Papa. I am so lucky to have my parents be such an influence in Krews life. He also loves Gus our pug, he LOVES to snack on anything. He is such a happy sweet baby!!

He also started at a new nanny last week. We lover had and she is so good with the kids. I cannot believe I have 1 more month of having an infant. Seriously. I also read that the average parent with a 1 yr old has lost 2 months of sleep on average. I totally believe it.

Dear Krew,
Hi, it's mama. I need you to know that my love for you is so deep, so down in my heart that it makes it ache. I can't imagine my life without you little guy. You are my whole heart, soul, and reason for living. This age has been my very favorite. You do this cute thing when you get really excited, you squint your whole face together and show off your bottom teeth. It kills me. You are so funny. So cute, precious little thing. I wish I could bottle up the moments we have together and relive them from time to time. People keep telling me that you are only going to get more fun as you age. Until you hit about 16. You will always be my baby boy. Please know in your heart that your mom, dad, and Grandparents have the most unconditional love for you. Never ever forget your self worth and please always treat people the way you want to be treated. With that, don't ever ever back down for something you believe in. If you think it is right mama will always stand by you. Grandma always took this approach with me and still to this day she sticks right by my side. I am always here for you little buddy. Through thick and thin you can count on me. I love you to the moon and back a million times.


OOTD ::baby version::

You don't see a lot of baby boys dressed to the hilt. Or in fact a lot of baby boy OOTDs.

So here you go:

For real though. He looks like such a little hipster dude. Minus the big shiner he has on his forehead/eye from the weekend. He is such a gem. For all my i.g friends wondering about his outfit.. You can thank me later.

Beanie: H&M
Hoodie: Baby Gap
Leggings: Baby Gap
Shoes: Toms. Nordstrom



I am having a kick ass Friday. God always has weird ways of blessing my days when I need them most, it's like he KNOWS when I need help with my mom guilt. My BFFS are in town from Vail, OR.
This bish is my partner in crime. We unfortunately live 6 frickin hours away, so we act like 2013 pen pals and text 24/7. Let me give you a little back ground on our friendship. We both got pregs around the same time. We talked on and off about everything pregnancy related. She needed to deliver here at Primary Children's in UT. So of course with no questions asked we opened our home up to her and her family. Because that is what cousins do for each other right? Did I mention she is Rs cousin? Okay, I should have from the beginning. So... the delivery is smooth and we are both happy tired with our baby BOYS. Yep, she has a baby boy too. 1 month younger then baby Krew. Here is the thing:

  • Both boys were born on a Tuesday
  • Both mamas were 36W4D at delivery
  • Both boys weight 5 pds 6 oz and were 18 inch long.
  • Krew was born at 8:27 p.m and B was born at 8:23 p.m.
Seriously? It's like we are soul sisters and they are little soul brothers. I love the bond we have so much. She is one of my best friends and I talk to her about everything. I only wish we lived closer. So I will be spending my WHOLE weekend soaking in Heather time. I am so so so excited!!

Here we are reunited last night!! 


ME gets what I wants

I can't go this day without a shout out to my fuggin husband (i just typed fussy...ha!). I have been wanting a wooden pallet or wooden plank headboard for ages now. I saw one at Crate & Barrel and have been inspired ever since. I showed R pictures after pictures of what I wanted and boy did he deliver!

For reals though...
I can't stop staring at it! He did such an awesome job and he never ceases to amaze me. I am thinking of making him do this in his spare time and selling it so I have some shopping money!! LOL!!


Jumping In

“Being confident and believing in your own self-worth is necessary to achieving your potential.” - Sheryl Sandberg

This morning I jumped in. You know when you are little and you run and jump straight into the freezing pool without even thinking twice. Yep. That was me.. this morning. I almost feel like I did it naked too. Skinny dipping anyone?

I sent my almost 11 month old baby off to a nanny outside of our home. For the past 11 months, he has been with family and his very own personal nanny and his 2 dogs inside of his house. Inside of our comfort zone. I was up all night so worried. I worry a lot. This is a bad trait to have as a new mother.

I have been wanting to get him started somewhere around this age to 12 months so he will learn to be social, he won't be cooped up in his home all day with his familiar surroundings. I don't think that is healthy. So, today I did it! 

I am not sure where I really want to go with this. I am going to start with believing in myself, having the strength to leave him knowing I have such big hopes and dreams for him. And before I can help him achieve those I must achieve my own. Some say I am on a soap box with my whole "working mom" campaign but I honestly don't care. I am proud of myself and thus,  hope to encourage other young and older moms to feel the same. I feel as though "leaving your babies for work" is sadly frowned upon in this state. Being that most moms are stay at home mothers. I think that is fantastic. If you can stay at home and not go insane MORE POWER TO YOU!!! I on the other hand can't. I just hate the stamina of it being a bad thing to pursue your own dreams and put them on hold because you have children. 

For those of us moms struggling with knowing "someone else is raising our baby". Stand up and give yourself a giant pat on the freaking back. You have the balls to leave your baby and you have such a bright future ahead of yourself. Keep pushing and working hard towards those dreams you have. Us moms can do it all with nothing short of having an amazing support system, some kick ass confidence, a smile on our face, and a little babe away waiting to kiss you when you pick him up. You go girl!

Mommy Guilt

hi, my name is Sarah and I deal with mommy guilt.

This morning I have lots of word vomit. Something I am very passionate about, so I am going to let it spew out. If you get offended I honestly don't care. Ask me tomorrow maybe I will have a different opinion.

This all hit me when I dropped my baby off at my sweet dear friends house. He clung to me at first, his sweet little arms wrapped around me. In that moment, he made me feel like I was enough. I didn't need all the other things that came along with being a wife, mother, and employee. Just me and him. It was as raw as could be. Than too soon I had to snap out of it and leave. I kissed him, walked to the door, and waved goodbye. He seemed happy. He is such a good sweet boy. My heart aches as I type this, I miss him. I am sure he misses me.

As I was walking to my car, I told myself "Keep walking Sarah, you can do this. You WANT to do this." This meaning work. It's a constant battle I have with myself every.single.fckin. day. I talk myself up, I tell myself how much I enjoy working. I enjoy time to myself, I enjoy making my very own paycheck. I enjoy the brutal honestly my salesmen give me every day. The smile they put on my face.. (most of the time). I LOVE it. It's liberating and I live for it, but why is it such a battle? 

Now that I am here in my cute little office with my cute little business cards saying "Executive Assistant" sipping my latte I realize how hard I work. How proud of myself I am. Each day I put 110% forward into every thing that I do. Being Krews mom, being a wife, keeping my house clean, giving my dogs love, staying connected to my friends and family, and most importantly keeping myself together. I truly love this hectic life I live. Some mornings are harder than others, some days I want to throw it all into the garbage and stay in bed with my boys. 

I think of myself as strong, independent, crazy, beautiful, funny, friendly, generous, and smart. At the end of the day I hope my dear ones think of me being the same way.

And I am kicking this mommy guilt to the curb and going on a nice long run tonight!

Vent over.

10 Months!!

Height & Weight: Krew went to the doctor 2 weeks ago for his poor little cold and he is weighing in at 19 pds. Still such a little guy!!

Health: Like I said in the previous question Krew was just at the doctor for a cold he has been fighting. I have been stuck with bronchitis for almost 1 month so I was worried he was catching it. Thank god he isn't. He is almost back to 100% health! (:

Sleep: He has been sleeping A TON better this past month. Thank goodness. My schedule has been so crazy hectic at work and at home. It always helps when I get a full nights rest. This kid naps like a champ too. Usually takes 1 1 hour nap in the morning and a 2 hour nap in the afternoon.

Diet: We are down to 4 7 oz bottles a day. Working on 3 full meals a day as well. This is going really well, he loves adult food. His favorites are pasta, pepperoni, eggs, apples, watermelon, and french fries! Yesterday I picked up a kids meal and we shared it and watched Alvin and The Chipmunks it was such a fun day!

Clothes: He is 9-12 month clothes. Asking for Baby Gap or Nordstrom gift cards for his bday since he needs a new winter wardrobe! (:

Baby Gear Love: This BOY is a typical boy I think. He loves to play with balls, he likes to throw them, he likes to chase them. Makes his daddy happy. He also loves our puggy Gus.

Crying: He rarely cries. Whines yes. Cries no.

Likes: His papa (my dad), is at the top of his list right now. Nothing else.

I deleted the postpartum questions that is so stupid. I am officially down to my pre pregnancy weight!! 
This past weekend we celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary! Krew has his 1st over night sleepover with my parents and R and I headed to Park City! It was so fun and relaxing!

The weekend before that we went to Oktoberfest in Snowbird with our besties. 

We have had a crazy busy Summer and things are only about to get more crazy! 1st Birthday planning is in full swing, October is hunting season, the holiday craze and Disneyland in December!!