Mommy Guilt

hi, my name is Sarah and I deal with mommy guilt.

This morning I have lots of word vomit. Something I am very passionate about, so I am going to let it spew out. If you get offended I honestly don't care. Ask me tomorrow maybe I will have a different opinion.

This all hit me when I dropped my baby off at my sweet dear friends house. He clung to me at first, his sweet little arms wrapped around me. In that moment, he made me feel like I was enough. I didn't need all the other things that came along with being a wife, mother, and employee. Just me and him. It was as raw as could be. Than too soon I had to snap out of it and leave. I kissed him, walked to the door, and waved goodbye. He seemed happy. He is such a good sweet boy. My heart aches as I type this, I miss him. I am sure he misses me.

As I was walking to my car, I told myself "Keep walking Sarah, you can do this. You WANT to do this." This meaning work. It's a constant battle I have with myself every.single.fckin. day. I talk myself up, I tell myself how much I enjoy working. I enjoy time to myself, I enjoy making my very own paycheck. I enjoy the brutal honestly my salesmen give me every day. The smile they put on my face.. (most of the time). I LOVE it. It's liberating and I live for it, but why is it such a battle? 

Now that I am here in my cute little office with my cute little business cards saying "Executive Assistant" sipping my latte I realize how hard I work. How proud of myself I am. Each day I put 110% forward into every thing that I do. Being Krews mom, being a wife, keeping my house clean, giving my dogs love, staying connected to my friends and family, and most importantly keeping myself together. I truly love this hectic life I live. Some mornings are harder than others, some days I want to throw it all into the garbage and stay in bed with my boys. 

I think of myself as strong, independent, crazy, beautiful, funny, friendly, generous, and smart. At the end of the day I hope my dear ones think of me being the same way.

And I am kicking this mommy guilt to the curb and going on a nice long run tonight!

Vent over.
Lauren said...

great post girl! Mommy guilt sucks...and we all deal with it! All I want is to be the best mommy I can be, and only I can know what that looks like--not some unrealistic expectation that society puts on me!

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