Thoughtless Thursday

Warning: If you get offended easily you may want to stop reading now. If you are one of those (ihavemyopinion&nomatterwhatyousayi'mright) kinds of people PLEASE don't read any further!

June seems like one crazy month for us! Actually ALL Summer is crazy busy! I enjoy being busy and being able to spend time with my family & friends through the summer but we are going to be BROKE by the end of it!! Let me just start off with a question that has been haunting me since mid Spring.

"Well are you guys EVER going to have children?!"

We get this question from everyone we know/meet. Just yesterday I received it from my boss because I am helping out in a baby shower for one of my colleagues. I got it when I drove my friend home last night, I get it from my parents, Rs family, friends, aunts, cousins you name it. My question back to them is... "What do you mean by EVER?" people I am only 21 years young and my DH is only 22!! (No offense to those with babies or planning on having babies young) It's just not for us. Growing up in Utah it is pretty stereotypical to start a family early. So yes I fit the stereotype when it comes to being married however, my parents are happily married going on 30 years now and they waited a whole 8 years to have my sister then 1 more year to have me. My mom was 29 by the time she was done having us lil' babes! Does that mean its in me to want to wait that long? Do I want to wait that long because I had an amazing childhood, because my parents never HAD to say "no" to sissy and I?

In high school I had 4 really close gf's well 3 of them now have 2-4 yr olds! How did I miss that? What made me stay out of it? So now that I am in my 20s happily married with a gorgeous husband and a house we just love is it time to have kids? R&I don't feel like we can comfortably say "yes" to that. Given finances, work, vacations, etc we LOVE doing all of those things together. Yes we are financially stable and yeah we could afford to feed one more mouth and still sit comfortably. I guess what I am trying to get at is "Is it wrong of me to be selfish?" Will I ever WANT to not be selfish? I'm starting to think NO. I have 6 baby showers this summer! 6!!! That is why I will be broke! BROKE NIGGA.

Soo... to my ladies out there? Should I not have kids because I am selfish? Or am I just too young to realize how great they are? It's not that I don't want them I just don't' want them now. Either way I think I am fine with. I always tell R that if we could not conceive I don't think I would try anymore or adopt. Its Gods way of letting me know I am not meant to have a child. Pshh... what to do what to do? I guess I still have at least 8 years to decide if I am ready for that or not. With all my gfs that are pregnant it has really made me step back and think about becoming a mama and I'm just not ready. AT ALL. That felt nice to get off my chest. Now.. the next person that asks if I'm EVER having kids may get a karate chop in the neck. Or something of the sort.

Tomorrow is FRIDAY!!
J and A said...

Good vent girl!!!

Adorably Distracted... said...

haha I dont think it's selfish. It would be selfish to the child if you weren't ready to calm your life down and still had a kid. You are only 21! I'm 24 and not the person i was at 21 at all! Your feelings may change in a year and you may want one then... give yourself time to figure it out on your own!

Joel and Cindy said...

I’ve been following your blog for awhile now (FYI) and I have some opinions on what you said…..

My hubby and I have been married for 4 years (next month). He’s 27, I’m 26. We knew we always wanted kids, but we had debt, didn’t have a house, etc., etc., and we were just waiting til the right time came along, and we figured we’d know when it was time to have kids. Over the last few months we both started talking and thinking about it more and more, and one weekend we were with his cousin (who has 3 young kids) and we both just decided (on our own) that now is the time. We both just realized that this was the next step in our life and we both felt like it was time to do it. We had been looking for a house for a while, but decided that if we did get pregnant right away, we would still have time to move in before the baby was born. So, we started trying, and we are expecting a little boy next month. :) What I’m saying is that you will know when it’s time. You don’t have to plan that in like 3 or 4 years you’ll start a family, just wait until it comes up naturally and you both realize that it’s something you want to do. We had people start asking us really soon after we got married, but we just told them “someday”. Don’t decide right now that you need to have kids and start trying to get pregnant, just wait for that day to come along. You’re still PLENTY young enough to wait 10 years easily. You don’t have to decide today that since you want kids someday, you have to start trying just because everyone is asking you. They’ll get the idea that you’re not planning on kids yet, and they’ll back off. So do what you want to do now, and in a few years you’ll decide what you want ultimately. It’s not being selfish – you’re not deciding right now to never have kids, you’re just deciding to wait a few years and see what happens. Be careful though – I was on the pill for 5 months and got a blood clot. If you get any pain or swelling in your arms or legs call your doc :)

I love your blog, btw. I love how straight up you are and wish I could be the same way! Good luck to you guys – sounds like you are in a great place in life right now :) Don’t feel bad for enjoying your life! It’s not selfish. You’ll know the right time, trust me.

Meant to be a mom said...

I think its ridiculous that people are curious why you haven't had kids yet. Like you said your only 21. A lot of people don't have kids until they are in their 30's now.
You have kids when you want to. Its your life, and no one else's business.

Bethany said...

I think this is very honest of you. Trust me, you will know in your heart when and IF you are ready. No need to make a decision just yet. Keep on rockin' you and your hubby for now and be as selfish as you want!

OurLittleBlessingS said...

Great post! I, myself, have not been through this (considering we are going on baby #2 and being married 3 yrs this fall), but I DO have friends who are.
I think it's great that you are married young, (as was I) you guys have a few or several years to enjoy each other-just the 2 of you, and you can still be a 'young' mom if you decide in 5-8 years you are ready. Many people are also waiting until their 30's to have them and there's nothing wrong with that!
People just have an idea of what and when a family should be and start(usually the way theirs did:) ). I don't know if 'selfish' is the right word, but it's RIGHT for you guys right now and that's all that matters.

that being said, you will still continued to be ask, no doubt! Having kids is the most amazing experience, but it changes your life and it isn't all about you anymore. We were fortunate to spend a lot of time traveling and doing things we wanted to do before we started having kids-BUT it hasn't stopped us really from doing things as just us and traveling!

Sorry this was long-I just feel for you and I'm sure it can be frustrating. Hang in there, girl!

Barras' said...

WOW!! Thank you ladies so much! When I saw that I had 6 new posts I for sure thought I was going to get backlash on this. Thank you all so much for your kind words and encouragement it means a lot and I'm glad I did vent!

Kelsey Bendixen said...

Your not shelfish AT ALL! I wanted a baby since I was like 5 pretty much. I just grew up WANTING to be a mom ASAP haha I wouldn't have had Paizley come any later for sure! But if you enjoy your time alone, sleeping in, only having to get a dog sitter, just wait! You WILL know when it's the right time. Everyone was always saying its so hard you have no freedom once you have kids, yada yada, and I knew they were right but you really don't know until you have one. You guys are super young, I had Paiz when I was 21 but I just wanted to start young and finish young since I want 4 haha. I know its annoying when people ask, but just don't let it get to you. People started asking me when Paizley was like 6 months when we were having our next and I was like uhh I'm going to actually enjoy her instead of spit them out one right after another! Sorry this was kind of off the wall I guess, but oh well!


Mrs. D said...

::claps & stands:: AMEN! Even though you know I am "one of those young girls who is a stereo typical Utahns", we made the decison to have kids for OURSELVES. NO ONE ELSE! I love that you are not giving into anyone else's opinions as to when you should have children. Every couple is different! So what you don't want kids now? You ARE only 21, that's completely normal! I think you worded this post very well & didn't offend me. I thought I was going to be offended when I started readin it ;) HA!

Just don't hate me for having a babe at the ripe age of 22 :P

Good for you, Sarah!! XOXO

Barras' said...

Thanks Kels I appreciate your opinion Paiz is too cute and your a good mama! Laur thanks girl it means a lot! Your going to be a good mom even if you are 22! You and Dall are ready and will be amazing!

Jordan and McKenzie said...

I completely see where you are coming from! I definitely don't want to start having kids until I'm 25-26. I feel pretty selfish sometimes too, lol but I'm young and although I'm married...I still want to be "young" and have fun. I want to take the next few years to spend time with my hubby - we want to travel and do fun things together that we won't be able to do after we have little children. :) No worries girl! I loved your post - I totally agree with everything you said! I'm sure we will both know when the time is right :)

Jessica said...

Hey! Thanks for following my blog!

I def do NOT think you are selfish for not wanting kids're 21- its a time to be young and free and have the time of your life with your husband! shoot, I'm 22 and am no where near getting married.

having kids is such a personal choice- and you'll know when the time is right for you!

Carolyn @ life, love and puppy prints said...

Found you through the Pearly Blogger feature! L
Do NOT let anyone make you feel like you "should" be having kids! You and your hubby will know when your ready. That is YOUR decision to make! :) Until you are ready... enjoy your little puppy babies!!

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