Friday

I am having a kick ass Friday. God always has weird ways of blessing my days when I need them most, it's like he KNOWS when I need help with my mom guilt. My BFFS are in town from Vail, OR.

This bish is my partner in crime. We unfortunately live 6 frickin hours away, so we act like 2013 pen pals and text 24/7. Let me give you a little back ground on our friendship. We both got pregs around the same time. We talked on and off about everything pregnancy related. She needed to deliver here at Primary Children's in UT. So of course with no questions asked we opened our home up to her and her family. Because that is what cousins do for each other right? Did I mention she is Rs cousin? Okay, I should have from the beginning. So... the delivery is smooth and we are both happy tired with our baby BOYS. Yep, she has a baby boy too. 1 month younger then baby Krew. Here is the thing:

• Both boys were born on a Tuesday
• Both mamas were 36W4D at delivery
• Both boys weight 5 pds 6 oz and were 18 inch long.
• Krew was born at 8:27 p.m and B was born at 8:23 p.m.

Seriously? It's like we are soul sisters and they are little soul brothers. I love the bond we have so much. She is one of my best friends and I talk to her about everything. I only wish we lived closer. So I will be spending my WHOLE weekend soaking in Heather time. I am so so so excited!!

Here we are reunited last night!! 

xoxo

ME gets what I wants

I can't go this day without a shout out to my fuggin husband (i just typed fussy...ha!). I have been wanting a wooden pallet or wooden plank headboard for ages now. I saw one at Crate & Barrel and have been inspired ever since. I showed R pictures after pictures of what I wanted and boy did he deliver!

For reals though...

I can't stop staring at it! He did such an awesome job and he never ceases to amaze me. I am thinking of making him do this in his spare time and selling it so I have some shopping money!! LOL!!

XOX.

Jumping In

“Being confident and believing in your own self-worth is necessary to achieving your potential.” - Sheryl Sandberg

This morning I jumped in. You know when you are little and you run and jump straight into the freezing pool without even thinking twice. Yep. That was me.. this morning. I almost feel like I did it naked too. Skinny dipping anyone?

I sent my almost 11 month old baby off to a nanny outside of our home. For the past 11 months, he has been with family and his very own personal nanny and his 2 dogs inside of his house. Inside of our comfort zone. I was up all night so worried. I worry a lot. This is a bad trait to have as a new mother.

I have been wanting to get him started somewhere around this age to 12 months so he will learn to be social, he won't be cooped up in his home all day with his familiar surroundings. I don't think that is healthy. So, today I did it! 

I am not sure where I really want to go with this. I am going to start with believing in myself, having the strength to leave him knowing I have such big hopes and dreams for him. And before I can help him achieve those I must achieve my own. Some say I am on a soap box with my whole "working mom" campaign but I honestly don't care. I am proud of myself and thus,  hope to encourage other young and older moms to feel the same. I feel as though "leaving your babies for work" is sadly frowned upon in this state. Being that most moms are stay at home mothers. I think that is fantastic. If you can stay at home and not go insane MORE POWER TO YOU!!! I on the other hand can't. I just hate the stamina of it being a bad thing to pursue your own dreams and put them on hold because you have children. 

Anyways. 

For those of us moms struggling with knowing "someone else is raising our baby". Stand up and give yourself a giant pat on the freaking back. You have the balls to leave your baby and you have such a bright future ahead of yourself. Keep pushing and working hard towards those dreams you have. Us moms can do it all with nothing short of having an amazing support system, some kick ass confidence, a smile on our face, and a little babe away waiting to kiss you when you pick him up. You go girl!

Mommy Guilt

hi, my name is Sarah and I deal with mommy guilt.

This morning I have lots of word vomit. Something I am very passionate about, so I am going to let it spew out. If you get offended I honestly don't care. Ask me tomorrow maybe I will have a different opinion.

This all hit me when I dropped my baby off at my sweet dear friends house. He clung to me at first, his sweet little arms wrapped around me. In that moment, he made me feel like I was enough. I didn't need all the other things that came along with being a wife, mother, and employee. Just me and him. It was as raw as could be. Than too soon I had to snap out of it and leave. I kissed him, walked to the door, and waved goodbye. He seemed happy. He is such a good sweet boy. My heart aches as I type this, I miss him. I am sure he misses me.

As I was walking to my car, I told myself "Keep walking Sarah, you can do this. You WANT to do this." This meaning work. It's a constant battle I have with myself every.single.fckin. day. I talk myself up, I tell myself how much I enjoy working. I enjoy time to myself, I enjoy making my very own paycheck. I enjoy the brutal honestly my salesmen give me every day. The smile they put on my face.. (most of the time). I LOVE it. It's liberating and I live for it, but why is it such a battle? 

Now that I am here in my cute little office with my cute little business cards saying "Executive Assistant" sipping my latte I realize how hard I work. How proud of myself I am. Each day I put 110% forward into every thing that I do. Being Krews mom, being a wife, keeping my house clean, giving my dogs love, staying connected to my friends and family, and most importantly keeping myself together. I truly love this hectic life I live. Some mornings are harder than others, some days I want to throw it all into the garbage and stay in bed with my boys. 

I think of myself as strong, independent, crazy, beautiful, funny, friendly, generous, and smart. At the end of the day I hope my dear ones think of me being the same way.

And I am kicking this mommy guilt to the curb and going on a nice long run tonight!

Vent over.

10 Months!!

Height & Weight: Krew went to the doctor 2 weeks ago for his poor little cold and he is weighing in at 19 pds. Still such a little guy!!

Health: Like I said in the previous question Krew was just at the doctor for a cold he has been fighting. I have been stuck with bronchitis for almost 1 month so I was worried he was catching it. Thank god he isn't. He is almost back to 100% health! (:

Sleep: He has been sleeping A TON better this past month. Thank goodness. My schedule has been so crazy hectic at work and at home. It always helps when I get a full nights rest. This kid naps like a champ too. Usually takes 1 1 hour nap in the morning and a 2 hour nap in the afternoon.

Diet: We are down to 4 7 oz bottles a day. Working on 3 full meals a day as well. This is going really well, he loves adult food. His favorites are pasta, pepperoni, eggs, apples, watermelon, and french fries! Yesterday I picked up a kids meal and we shared it and watched Alvin and The Chipmunks it was such a fun day!

Clothes: He is 9-12 month clothes. Asking for Baby Gap or Nordstrom gift cards for his bday since he needs a new winter wardrobe! (:

Baby Gear Love: This BOY is a typical boy I think. He loves to play with balls, he likes to throw them, he likes to chase them. Makes his daddy happy. He also loves our puggy Gus.

Crying: He rarely cries. Whines yes. Cries no.

Likes: His papa (my dad), is at the top of his list right now. Nothing else.

I deleted the postpartum questions that is so stupid. I am officially down to my pre pregnancy weight!! 

This past weekend we celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary! Krew has his 1st over night sleepover with my parents and R and I headed to Park City! It was so fun and relaxing!

The weekend before that we went to Oktoberfest in Snowbird with our besties. 

We have had a crazy busy Summer and things are only about to get more crazy! 1st Birthday planning is in full swing, October is hunting season, the holiday craze and Disneyland in December!!

Check it off....

I have a little 30 before 30 list in my head. I really should put it on paper. (maybe that will be my next blog post) I checked one a BIG one off of my list on Saturday the 17th. It still hasn't quite hit me that I actually did it. I ran the whole time. Didn't shed a tear but did indeed want to rip my sisters face off. I ran my very 1st Half Marathon. People! It hasn't even hit me when I say that. Legit I have been sporting my t-shirt around everywhere along with a not so awesome limp!

That is me, in the back sit of my moms car as she is driving my sore ass home. We did the Hobble Creek 1/2. Friday night me, Krew, my parents, and sister stayed the night in Provo since we had to be to the bus line at 5 a.m. We went to the Brick Oven (that place is disgusting) and tried to carbo load. Than we went back to the hotel where my mom bathed Krew while I got all my race stuff set out. Krew woke up about 3 times that night, I didn't mind I could hardly sleep anyways.

The alarm went off at 4 and I was full of nerves/excitement. We got dressed and headed out. I should have ate something. We caught the bus still half asleep and made it to the start line where we used the potty and talked for a good hour. We laughed, cherished the time together, me, my mom, and my sister.

The gun went off and we started down the canyon I felt really really good. I was confident, the little voice inside me was cheering me on! I could just picture Krew at the finish line waiting for his mama with such pride! The thought put tears in my eyes!

I soared to the 9 mile mark not even thinking much about what I was about to accomplish. I hit a HUGE wall. My sister pushed me along and didn't let me walk. There was a younger girl in a green shirt who I tried to keep my eye on. She would pass me, I would pass her.

2 hours and 20 minutes later we finished. My mom waited to finish so we could all 3 finish together. We held hands and crossed the finish line at the same time. I couldn't have done it without them! I am so proud of myself and still in pure amazement!

9 months!!

Krew Arthur Barras

9 months!!

Height & Weight: At Krews 9 month well check up he weighed in at a whopping 18 pds 12 oz. & is 27 inches long! He is such a petite little dude just ranking in at the 25th percentile. His pediatrician was so amazed at how well he has caught up since being a little preemie. Seriously could his rolls get any yummier?

Health: We are looking so good in this department. I must say I am very blessed, Krew hardly gets sick. I think it's because he has a rockin' immune system like his dad, R thinks it's because I keep him locked up in the house! You decide! He has cut in 2 teeth and they are the cutest!!

Sleep: The past months has been a little rocky, I think we need to adjust his bedtime to a little later. He has been going down around 8:30 and waking up around 4:3--5:30 every morning. I am not sure if he is getting hungry, or needs a little bed time! We will figure it out somehow! This morning I woke up and wondered how the hell we made it through the first 4 months when he NEVER slept!! 

Diet: My little dude is a typical boy and LOVES food. He is still going solid on about 4 8 oz bottles of Earth's Best formula, we are working on cutting back to 3 and having 3 BIG meals a day. He LOVES Plums food pouches he eats 2 of those a day. He will really eat anything off of my plate or any sort of snack. He loves fruits just like mama.

Clothes: He is fitting well in 9 month clothes, some of his 6 month pants and shorts still fit him. Some 12 month stuff. I am trying to squeeze through the last bit of Summer with what we have. I will be buying him a new 12 month winter wardrobe!!

Baby Gear Love: He still LOVES his tree swing, he doesn't really like being trapped in any toys like the bouncer or his walker toy. His cousins bought him a little Fischer Price walker that he loves. He also thinks our puppies are baby toys. Gus is okay with it.

Crying: Honestly, he hardly ever cries. If he does it's because he is tired. When dude is tired the littlest thing will set him off into a spin of other things. If he is hungry he gives you a good 20 minute notice or of course if he gets hurt!

Likes: He likes food, dogs, water, his papa, snuggles, being outside, snack time, cartoons, moms phone, and balls. Football, baseball, bouncy balls anything really. His dad is obviously happy.

Postpartum: This isn't even a question anymore! I am 5 pounds away from post Krew weight and I FINALLY have the hang of this mom thing! 1st birthday planning is in full effect!

Dear Krew,

Mama loves you so very much. Your smile pulls at my heart like nothing else, I love when I get home from work and you plant a BIG wet one on me. You are my baby boy forever. Your laugh is so infectious and the way you say Gus is the cutest thing I have ever heard. Krew you sure are a spontaneous little man you are always keeping me and dad on our toes and you LOVE to explore. I can't wait to watch your personality grow but at the same time I want you to stay my little baby forever. Those sweet moments when you rest your head on me are what I live for. Please always remember that I am here for you, would do anything for you and will ALWAYS support and love you. You are one amazing human being and your future is so bright. As you grow and we plan and celebrate each year of your life remember where you came from. Please be kind, and treat everyone the way you want to be treated. Please be respectful to everyone, especially women and the elderly. I know you will leave quite the mark on this world. Explore. Ask questions. and NEVER settle for less than you deserve. Dad and I love you. When you go to bed at night sleep tight. We will do anything you ask.

Love,

Mama