My dear Aunt Bing passed on this afternoon and I'm not quite sure how I feel yet? I'm sad, confused, angry, and just grateful I guess? Death is such a scary thing to me its hard for me to grasp the fact that once you are gone your gone. I thought I would blog about this while my emotions and thoughts are still with me. You could call it the grieving process most definitely. With "Annie Bing" (my dads aunt) being my 2nd Aunt it didn't really matter I was still pretty close to her you could say. My Grandma Lois who I was so close too and still am passed away from breast cancer my junior year of high school. The time when I probably needed her the most, Bing was nothing like my Grandma she was much more vulgar, narrow minded, and straight forward these traits aren't bad considering she grew up in the 1940's era. The last time husband and I went to see her she told us she was in need of a new night gown, for some reason I felt the need to run out and buy her one immediately so we did and she was so grateful and appreciative of it. For the past couple of weeks I have been telling my husband that we really need to get out and see her because I knew she didn't have much more time here on plant earth.  We have been so busy and so involved in our own life that we have not had the time to go out and see her. I think back and think of "How busy were we really?" Too busy to see my elderly Aunt? NO! NO! NO! You are never ever ever too busy to spend time with family and the ones you love! I' am angry with myself that I didn't just carve out an hour of my night to go and visit her for which would have been THE last time. However, I think of my faith and religion and believe that God didn't want it that way. He wanted me to see my Aunt Bing in the state that she was in. Coherent, Appreciative and Happy. over a night gown! The night before my Grandmother passed I remember seeing her in such bad shape and that is the last memory I have of her. God did not want me to have to relive that again. I feel at this point in my life that its a lesson learned. Never be too busy for your loved ones, and always appreciate the little things that are given to you. I like to think you always take one thing away from the bad situation the Lord puts you in. So thank you Aunt Bing for being so appreciative and grateful for what you had that day in your nursing home room it made me realize that I need to appreciate those around me and the things I have that much more because I do not know when they are going to be taken away from me. I think this is all I am going to write for now I am going to go talk to my mama and let some of my feelings out I think I am having post trauma from when my Grandma passed? I don't really know what else you would call it? Thanks for listening to my lame vent! 
Hilary Lane said...

So sorry for your loss, Sarah. Sending prayers your way!

Brittany said...

I agree with hillary.. sorry for your loss, and big hugs and prayers to you AND your family!!!

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