Vulnerable

As I sit here and type up this post I am waiting for my sweet husband to come home. He has been gone all day with my nephew at Scout Camp. How cute is this picture of those 2 in their matching Boise State Hats?
Now he is helping one of his buddies from work move some couches because he has a broken hand. Such a kind, selfless man I tell you! He is going to be 1 amazing daddy! I can't wait to see him and his son grow together!

You're probably wondering why I haven't blogged in over a week ::FAIL:: & probably wondering a little about the title of this blog post & my Grandma is the main reason. The family of the past, the family that deserted her when she needed them the most. I know I was there and I know deep down in my heart how proud of me she is. Some people aren't able to live with themselves and some people have no clue what really happened. Therefore I feel very;

Vulberable-
capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon: a vulnerable part of the body.
open to moral attack, criticism, temptation,
 
 
Yes, with my blog not being private I am feeling VERY vulnerable. I never discuss my family much on this blog because it is such a sensitive subject, I hide behind most of my real feelings about it. I'm not going to anymore especially on such a deep hidden feeling that I keep so secure to me. Not a lot of people know how special of a bond my Grandmother & I had. It's indescribable, not a lot of people really "get it", maybe that's why I don't talk about, I don't talk about it because I get so god damn emotional, I feel so cheated why did God have to take that 1 woman out of my life? That one so dear and so BIG to me? Why? It will be 5 years next month since she passed; and the feelings are still raw, the wound is still so fresh. Poor some vinegar into it and it stings like hell, I defend and will fight for her till the end of my life. Not a day goes by, some days not even an hour goes by when I don't think of her. When a glimpse of her smiling face doesn't appear in my head. More so now that I am pregnant I feel so close to her spiritually it's almost weird. I feel sad, grateful and happy for the memories, and most of all the want for her approval; which I know I will internally get but never really hear from her until the day we meet again. Okay, now that I just spilled my guts on the most sensitive subject in my life on the world wide web I don't feel better but I do feel as though I want to look back on this time in my life and really soak it in.
 
I have a "stalker" per say. Yes, a real life person who is out to get me. Out to try to say every hurtful thing in the book about me and my family. It's not okay with me, I have done everything in my power to keep myself far away from her. Blocked her off Facebook, and my husbands. (pathetic?) Blocked her number from texting me, blocked her off Instagram, there is just 1 thing left. This blog. I can't block her and I don't feel as though it is fair to me to make my whole blog private. I have been blogging for almost 4 years now. Why change that because someone doesn't like me? Well I'm not. I am going to continue to "do my thang". Despite her angry, aggressive, sick ways. She is probably reading this now. I hope she is. I have nothing to say to her, I mean her no will ill. Just wish she would leave me alone!! Now that I am starting a family and bringing something so delicate and tender into this world I have no time for people trying to bring me down. I won't tolerate it and thus why I feel vulnerable. I'm pregnant and need to stay sane, safe, and calm for my little one. This being sad after taking sometime to think about this blog I have decided to continue doing this, I will be back Monday with my regular blog posts and part 2 of my product review! I wish you all a wonderful happy & safe weekend! We are praying for those whom lost their lives in the tragic incident in Colorado and pray their family makes it through this rough
 
xoxo
ashley & sundance said...

haters gonna hate. don't let her get to you girl.

Jessica said...

It's hard to keep blogging knowing someone out there wants to hurt you. She's just hurting herself by harboring hate! We lova ya :)

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