Week or 1/2 week

It hasn't even been a full week yet and I can honestly say that it has been the WORST 3 days of my life (or close to). I maybe a baby about some of this stuff but with most of it I don't think I am over reacting at all!

1. Today marks the 4th year my Grandma passed. I always have such a hard time around the 1st of August.

2. My mom and sis were going through a lil' spat the past couple of days. I blame it on reason #1.

3. Yesterday was by the far the worst "work day" I've ever had! My boss is Indian so he is very direct and to the point we had a sales guy quit and I swear to you my boss decided that it was my fault so he took all his aggression and anger out on me. Of course with the thick skin that I do have I didn't let him see that it was really getting to me. Once I got into my car at lunch I BAWLED full on tears sobbing! I never ever never ever cry! It takes A LOT to make me cry I never do it because I am sad I mostly do it because I am mad and frustrated well I was every emotion in the book yesterday! It all hit me at once, I was glad the day was over but I wasn't really ready for "reality" to hit and for today to come. I haven't stopped thinking about my Grandma ALL day I've been wearing the ring she left for me all week long it's almost like I am going through the greiving process all over again...

The grieving process gives us time to reflect and find new strength that enables us to continue life's journey and regain peace-of-mind.

Denial & Isolation- Yes, and No. I have thought about just taking a night to myself, no cell phone, no partner NOTHING! Just leaving and evalutating everything!
Anger- Oh hell yeah! I have had this the worst I'm very angry I'm so mad at God for taking my Grandmother at the time that he did, the time that I needed her the most.
Bargaining- I've been bargaining with myself thinking well if I can just get through today I will treat myself to ice cream tonight or if I don't break down right now it just shows how strong I really am.
Depression- Yep of course when the 1st of August comes around this sets in HARD. When one thing goes wrong it's like my world is crashing and everything is else is going wrong.. Or so I think.
Acceptance- I don't think I will ever accept the fact that the wonderful motherly figure in my life is gone. It's too hard of a thing to just swallow your pride and say what's done is done.

Not only is it work and my grandmother passing but I was supposed to start my period today! (eek!) Hopefully I am just late due to all of the stress I put on myself. Do you ever feel like you just want to go sit somewhere alone and think about everything? I really feel like I have shown myself how strong I really am and how thick my skin is. Thanks to everyone for dealing with my bitchy mood lately.
Brittany said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. You're definitely NOT being a baby about anything. Every one deals with death differently. I think taking a day to yourself to evaluate every thing would be a good idea. I hope you're able to get through this tough time! Hang in there ♥

CMae said...

Hang in there. Remember Life is like a roller coaster. There will always be ups and downs, it's never a straight shot or smooth ride for that a significant period of time. Time makes everything better :)

Stephanie Hartman said...

Aw i'm so sorry to hear about your Grandma this time of year is hard for me my Great Gran mother who I was really close to left to be with God on Aug 8th 2000 and I still can't believe that she is gone and its been 10 years I feel like it was just yesterday.

I feel like this post is just like me my brother and real father have been at each others throats and don't worry girl I'm on the rag as well Pahaha this is so weird.

I hope it all gets better I know I'm going to get a pedi tomorrow so I'm treating myself adn hopefully the week will get better.
*HUGS*

♥ H ♥ said...

Just came across your blog....I get in those moods where I just want to be by myself and be alone with my thoughts. It's normal. Esp when there is a lot of stress going on. No worries. Stay strong :) If you need anything, you can email me!

Nicole said...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother! I know the feeling unfortunately. I wish there was something we could all do when losing someone so close like that!

Hilary Lane said...

I'm thinking about you! I hope your weekend is better than your week was!

Meant to be a mom said...

You poor girl. I sure hope things got better after you posted this. HUGS!

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