I am not sure if this is a good thing, or bad thing to admit BUT I am going to do it anyways. I am a pretty selfish person at times, I don't like to share, I like to do my own thing when I want, I hate being told what to do and when to do it, and if something doesn't benefit me in someway I am usually not game for it. Now I don't know if I can blame it on my childhood athletic attitude or if it's just in my DNA? As a youth and young adult my parents didn't put me in team sports, my mom didn't like the "politics" of them. So I did A LOT of individual sports gaining my own self esteem and not having to depend on other people for a win. I have been running track "sprinter sarah" since I was 4 yrs old. I remember the 1st time I won my very first 100 meter dash I was just a wee-one but it felt SO good to beat everyone else and know that I did it on my own. Is this making sense to anyone? I dropped out of ballet when I was 11 so I could strictly focus on my "2012 Olympic" dreams I like to accomplish things on my own, do things on my own. Like I said before build my own self esteem I don't need anyone to tell me how wonderful and great I am BUT since being pregnant this has all changed. It's like I have morphed into a whole nother person! For the better of course, all I can think about is sustaining this little life inside of me, eating right, getting enough sleep, relaxing when my body tells me I need to relax and most of all waiting to put my whole self and life into something so delicate, so dependant, and fragile. I can't wait till the day I look my baby in the eyes and give myself up for him/her. We had the 1st part of the Integrated Screening on Tuesday.
Of course I was ecstatic to see my bean again. See my problem I keep calling "our" baby "my" baby. The measurement from head to neck looked great and I gave some blood but overall the gestational counselor had no concerns and thinks that OUR baby will be just fine! Going into this knowing that I may or may not have a baby with a disability is always heart wrenching but I knew my life has changed forever when I thought to myself. Why NOT me? What makes me above everyone else to NOT have a disabled child. If God grants me the privlege to give my care to a special needs child then AWESOME! He trusts me THAT much and he has THAT much faith in me. Instead of sitting on the sidelines and thinking "what if" I am ready to take that journey with open arms and faith in God knowing he would never give my husband and I more then we could handle. So we DO pray for a healthy bouncy baby but do not fear the real chances. Okay, sorry I just wanted to be able to document this "epiphany" moment.

On to another baby of mine ours

Could that face get any sweeter? I am going to buy her a new harness this weekend since she has grown out of her other one and she is going to be my new walking partner! Mama needs to get her butt back to the gym and now that I am almost out of my 1st tri I think it's time!

Reminder for the busy weekend I have ahead of myself. Is it the 23rd yet?

11 days till our gender scan!
Jessica said...

I had that same moment!! It's awesome that everything looks great on your sonograms but if something happens, God meant it to and you and your hubs will be amazing parents! Either way.

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